Hey bestie girl. <3 

First if you are taking the time to read this blog, THANK YOU. Its my very first. I am kind of nervous. But I have so much to share.  Okay so lets start. When I was in 6th grade my school doctor saw that I had a curved spine. Before I knew it I was seeing a specialist who told me I would have to wear I hard, bulky, plastic, back brace 20 hours a day until I stopped growing. At the time it seemed like the end of the world.

When the doctor was telling me I was going to be in a brace until I stopped growing he told me "everyone is dealt there cards in life and these are yours" this stuck with me. It made me feel that in a sense I was not alone. We all go through shit. With every struggle comes a good outcome. From this situation I discovered my love for the fashion industry. How? Let me answer that. This brace was so big and bulky I was stuck wearing t-shirts and sweatpants everyday. If I didn't people would be able to see my brace and at the time that was the end of the world to me. It was then that I started dreaming about all of the clothes I wanted to wear but could not. I would spend my time in class sketching outfits I was going to wear when I got my brace off.

You may be thinking why was it so important to wear your brace everyday. Well if I did not wear my brace 20 hours a day I would need to get a very serious surgery. I would need to get a metal rod down my entire spine and I would never be able to bend my back again. As a gymnast and cheerleader this meant I would never be able to tumble again. I could kiss my back handsprings and buck tucks good bye. Having this pressure so young was very scary. It caused me to have a lot of anxiety. 

I will never forget in middle school and high school my what I then thought where my friends would tell me that I was so lucky that I had a perfect life. My parents were still together. I had a nice house a cool car etc. This is when I realized to an extent everyone lives in there own world. They must have forgot every single day I am in a body cast and profusely sweat and have severe rashes all over my torso that hurt so bad. And I have a constant worry about getting the surgery... a metal rod down my spine and ever being able to bend my back again. 

Everyone is going through something. Just because they do not talk about it does not mean that it is not happening or that it is not a big deal. In hind sight I am very thankful these were the cards I was dealt because well it could have been a lot worse. But then again when you are young and going through puberty everything seems like the end of the world. lol.

Flash forward to 10th grade when my growth plates closed and I finally stopped growing. I said goodbye to my brace. I accomplished it. My curved spine did not get any worse. I wore that brace 20 hours a damn day everyday. It was worth every second of pain. No back surgery was needed. That is not to say I may need it later in life. But for now I am good. When you are pregnant there is a chance your spine can curve again with the increased hormones and well I also may not be able to get an epidural but I will figure all of that out when the time comes.

So how did I feel when I was out of my brace? AMAZING. But subcontiously a mess because of the trauma the situation caused me... that well I mainly put on myself. In the moment you are just focused on making it through. It is not until later in life that you realize the trauma that has been caused. But that is a very long story for another day or shall I say blog. :) 

Anyway ending on a positive note here, please please please always be nice to everyone you never know what someone is going through. We all have our cards we are dealt. 

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